Misti's Blog

missteaomgz @ 2006-09-01T16:07:00

2006-09-01T21:08:45Z

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-29T20:23:00

2006-08-30T01:45:52Z

lolandthings
Listening to Akcent and staring at my Justin Pierre icon is funny. Because in the icon Justin is all I'M A BALLER LOL so yeah. :x Anyway.

I don't really know what to do anymore. It's like I'm being arrested. (If you catch that, I'll spaz.)
But alongside that, I don't feel obligated to do anything, you know? Of course you don't. But seriously, it doesn't matter if you think about the big picture; the outcome is going to be the same, whether I do or say anything about it or not. So why waste my time, right? Or do you think I'm wrong? And that's not a rhetorical question. I want opinions.
You don't have to know what's going on, because no one does which is good, plus I described how I feel about the situation without any details. For all anyone (except me) knows, I could be talking about death.
But I want to throw this out there. I tried, okay? And I tried, and I tried some more. But after awhile (and some events in between) I realized that by trying, I was only frustrating myself and wasting my time. Me trying to do what I tried is like someone trying to move a pillar from Stonehenge by hand. The rock is going to be stubborn, etc
So anyway, that brings me to my next point (they are connected, trust me). Don't hate me for an event you disfavoured, or for what someone else has told you. Hate me for me. It doesn't necessarily affect me, at least not in a valuable manner.
Sure, there are a few things you could say to me to really upset me, even online. But those are the things no one typically dares to mention (I would not recommend trying to upset me, especially with those subjects). However, if your intentions are to get under my skin, you'd have a better chance using one of those rather than by insulting my intelligence or worth.
Because you won't really get anywhere...

I figured I'm not the only one that dislikes wasting time, you know?

By the way.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACPANTS < 3
And a late b-day shout to my mate Alex. ;o
Also, I send my prayers to those of you in Louisiana, specifically New Orleans
They aren't like religious prayers, but whatevs.

...I get a kick out of this Jim Carrey icon.
And speaking of faces, I have a picture of my face.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-28T18:30:00

2006-08-28T23:35:11Z

I hate to make two entries in one day, but I love Jim Carrey so I made a rad new icon (using it).

Part of the background texture/base was made by _iconographer, but I added my own textures and brushes over it so you can't really see it. ;_; I feel kinda bad but hey.
IT'S JIM CARREY 8D

And Stevo, you suck for not liking Jim kk.

EDITEDITEDITEDIT

-delete-
You lose.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-28T15:02:00

2006-08-28T21:02:34Z

CARMEL GREYHOUNDS SCHOOLED THE HAMILTON HEIGHTS HUSKIES.
Hell yes we did. WINZZZ
I have friends from Hamilton Heights so it was really fun. ^^
One of my HH mates is Jake Henderson; he plays on the Huskies team and he got majorly tackled like twenty minutes into the game. (For unrelated reference, we scored within the first minute of the game.) He got hurt though. He fell on his ankle when everyone tackled him, so some of the players and a paramedic had to escort him off the field. I wanted to go talk to him but I couldn't. ;_; He got back into the game like an hour later but the coach pulled him out again because he was limping and in obvious pain. The drive of that boy, I swear.
Anyway. The Huskies are a pretty damn good team and all. Really they are. But we're the best in the state high school-wise, so beat that. >D
Yeah, feel free to tell me to go choke on my pride.

Well anyway, I went to the doctor's because of my nose and stuff.
And he knows I was hit. x(
I didn't tell him or anything. I've told everyone I hit my nose against the top of my car when I opened the door. But my doctor was all "This fracture is equivalent to a blunt force from the side, blah blah etc," but whatevs. He used some kind of machine that detects invisible bruises or whatever and that's when he knew, 'cause he said the bruises looked like knuckle marks, and I was like :x. You can't tell it's broken. It didn't even bleed, and there's no visible bruises but it hurts like hell. But anyway..
It's really not that big of a deal. x.x Matt just isn't a gentleman.
Most of the school knows I hit my nose against my car (so they think). Matt came up to me in the hallway as I was getting books from my locker. He was like "So I heard you hit your nose against a car. Pretty stupid, don't you think?"
And I stood up and looked at him, kk, and he was like smirking at me. So I said, "Yeah, it /is/ a pretty fucking stupid car." And I walked to my class.
It wasn't meant to be witty ('cause it like, wasn't). I was being honest. I wonder if he understood the part where I was referring to him. (And that was a euphemism for what I really wanted to say to him.)

He hit me on purpose, but I know he didn't mean to break my damn nose. After he hit me he kinda backed up and then walked away. I think he shocked himself. Like, he was scared he actually /hurt/ me. Bad.
And I'm only covering for him with my story because 1) I don't want drama/rumours/what have you, and 2) word gets around around our school, as big as it is, and he'd get kicked off the football team (he's a fairly valuable player). Plus, if someone like Ryan or Alex or my brother found out, his ass would be dead.
Not that I should care.

Now. River left for college on the 24th. I came in late to school because I was busy telling him goodbye. ;_;
I spent most of these past couple of weeks with him because I knew he'd be leaving soon. I told him I'm going to somehow get him kicked out and he was all ...LOL
But I mean it. I want him to go and stuff, but I want to go too. I'll miss him a lot.
...Damn it x'(

Let's see. School-wise. Etymology is dumb; we learn over 100 words a week. We need to memorize part of speech, how to divide and define every latin root on all the words /and/ define the word.
And did I mention I hate Physics?
Mm, so I saw Blake again, I guess I'll end up seeing him every Blue day because he hangs out with friends by his locker during passing periods and I pass his locker on my way to Etymology. Btw, because of Block scheduling this year, our days are separated into Blue days and Gold days (school colours). Blue days consist of periods 1-4, and Gold days are 5-8.
And guess who else I saw?! ERIC SHROCK. Yeah so you guys are like "wtf do we care" since you don't know him, but he's another kid I haven't seen in a handful of years. I remember we had PE together in seventh grade, and we went indoor rock-climbing one day (=LAME). But it was fun, the rock-climbing. He's looks different and yet the same, you know? xD
...You probably don't.
I saw Jordan too. But I saw him last year all the time; just not at all yet this year until yesterday. I yelled across the hall at him because he's a pothead and isn't as sharp as he used to be (he's the one that took an Agriculture class so he could learn how to grow pot). I was all JORDAN and he turned and looked around, but just kept walking 'cause he didn't see me. ...Loser. x3

Well...
I wanted to keep this entry fairly brief, but y'know. Anyway. Quinn has adjusted well and seems content with living in Indiana for the time being. It hurts to look at him sometimes, because he looks as cute as ever on the outside but inside it's like, his body is killing itself. It's just painful, to say the least. It reminds me of so many other people I watched suffer in this state..
Speaking of which. I made an icon yesterday but I made two versions. Which one sucks less, this one, or this one? The only difference is the face on the bottom left. Please comment with your thoughts.

Last note. If you didn't comment on my last entry TELLING ME YOU WANT BACK ON MY FRIENDS LIST I assume you don't want to remain LJ friends. In that case, please take me off your friends list, because it bothers me to see nonmutual linkage on my user info. It's a pet peeve. I know like three people are going to keep me on just to piss me off, I know it.
..And with that, I'm done. I know I'm forgetting some shit but I'll think of it later.

OH BTW.
I added a playlist. !! There's a link at the top of my journal under Justin Pierre's gorgeous face. You might not like the music, but I'm sure there will be at least one song you'll enjoy. I've got tATu, Modest Mouse, Tool, Audioslave, Hinder, Goo Goo Dolls, stuff like that. Check it out.

Asdfghjkl;.

2006-08-25T00:57:41Z

I want to say something. However I'm not sure how to say it.
kk, so here's what's up. ...I don't like it when people lie to me, moreso continue to do something after they have vowed to stop. If you want to remain on a conversing level with me, it'd be nice if you would show it.
Walk the walk, rather, than talk the talk.
Words come out with ease. It's actions that determine your honesty. I don't want to choose to trust someone when I know they will break it, and keep breaking it because they think I'm some kind of toy with no meaningful feelings. I am a person. By means of definition every human on the face of this Earth is subject to having emotions. I am not a doll nor a robot, in which you can test how far you can go before arousing irritation or such from me.
As long as I am not treated fairly as a person, I will keep my word when I say I will not by any means stand for eFriendships of this sort. I am not your test subject. I'm smarter than you give me credit for. I know when you are talking about me (I tend to ignore it), but I can also decipher what you say to find the real meaning. Most people can.
This is not a game I'm playing. Don't treat it as such. Please take me seriously when I say that if you are going to treat and think of me as less than human, then I no longer wish to remain eMates with you. That's a promise.

~~I have moved. Add me as a friend and I will add you back.~~
Strikeout due to the fact that LiveJournal is being a bitch and my layout won't work right on the new account but works fine on this one. (Yes, I made a smashing new layout. It's extremely ugly and the colour scheme I made sucks, but hey, it's Justin Pierre.)
I know you're all tired of this, but I once again have deleted all of my friends for many reasons. The major one I have just explained.
So comment on this entry stating you want me to readd you and I will; however, do me a favour and don't bother if you're going to fake me out. I'm serious. I dislike being taken for a fool.

Yes, you.

loljustinpierre

2006-08-23T23:16:54Z

I've been so obsessed with this CSI game, I forgot I had my site on hiatus.
I made a layout in like three minutes that I'm going to use because I'm a cheap whore.

And people stop neomailing me, thanks and stuff
Along with that: stop craptalking me behind my back. You're not cool.
You all wonder why I'm being a bitch or not wanting to remain eMates.

School was weird today, more later when I feel like typing it. >.> I'm lame.

(I made two new icons.)

2006-08-23T01:29:17Z

Okay so. There's this guy I used to know named Blake, right? And he was gay. I'm not saying that to be mean or use it as an insult, what have you. He just was. And it's not that him being gay is intriguing or anything. It's that he wasn't like, normal-gay.
He dressed like a metro and he hung out with only girls. You might expect that. But that's... kk, so it's hard to explain unless you knew him.
Anyway, once he asked me out in sixth grade. And I knew he didn't ask me because he wanted to go out with me, or because he was "experimenting". He asked because he needed a cover so people would stop the gay rumours. I was already with Ryan at the time so I don't know why he chose me of all people to be his cover, but I told him,
"Blake, if you're gay, you're gay. It's something you can't change."
Actually what I said was a lot more in-depth, but that was in sixth grade so I don't really remember.
But people, if you are gay or bi, don't be afraid to like. Say so and stuff. It's better to admit it than to deny it, you know? Accept who you are, because you can't change it. Having a different sexuality doesn't make you immoral or weird, either. At least not to me.
Well, anyway. I brought this up because I saw Blake in the hallway yesterday. I had hardly seen any of him since sixth grade, and our high school has over 4,000 kids in it, so I was surprised. I said hello to him and he seemed glad to see me. It's funny; he looks the exact same as he did five years ago. He still hangs out with all females, too. I'm not sure if he's come out of the closet at will yet. If not I just hope one day he's comfortable enough with who he is to accept it and cherish himself, no matter what.
I also hope I see him again soon. He's a good-natured kid.

Later last night, like at nine or so, we had a football game. After the game Matt (no surprise) decided to pester me.
I'd rather leave out the details, but he ended up breaking my nose.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-19T20:30:00

2006-08-20T01:33:06Z

BRYANSHEFFIELD.COM
BRYANSHEFFIELD.COM
BRYANSHEFFIELD.COM
BRYANSHEFFIELD.COM

Please go and take a look at his work. If you're an aspiring photographer, his pictures can be very inspirational.

Also I played the CSI game today, it's fun.

Keeping this entry short because the last one wasn't short as I had said I'd keep it, and no one reads long entries most of the time; or at least mine. People don't tend to take interest in what I have to say ever, really, but I guess I'm just eBoring. I just really wanted everyone to visit Bryan's collective because some of them are really good. Please, PLEASE just go.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-19T00:49:00

2006-08-19T06:30:13Z

So much has happened recently.

I was going to update all about my shopping experiences but I have newer stuff to update about so forget it.
I'm really not in the mood for typing though so I'm keeping it short.

School is okay, we are doing block scheduling all year though and that sucks. I get bored out of reasoning during block schedules.
Quinn fit in really well; my friends are his friends now too and we all get along just fine. He's doing well with his treatment; he said he was going to shave his head sometime soon, I asked him why. He said, "Because I don't want to end up looking like Seth Green in Goldmember." It was funny but it just reminded me of what he's going through. And yet he seems so optimistic, just like Codey was. It almost annoys me. It's like he doesn't care he has a fatal illness.
..Well. I care.

I called Derek again, like I do everyday, and I asked him when he was going to come and see me. He was like I DUNO LOL MEBE SOON. asdfghjkl; I want to see him NOW.

Oh. And speaking of school.
I joined the cheerleading squad. I know, I know. It's a new low. But they kept badgering me so I was like screw it. It's actually really fun. We had a pep rally today, that was cool. The school soccer players sat in one spot, band in another, football in yet another and then the rest of the students were divided into grades. As you know, Ryan is in soccer and naturally he was chosen to go up to speak on behalf of the soccer team. He makes everything fun. He moonwalked into the center of the gym, I swear it.
Did you know that Carmel High School is the best-rated high school in all of Indiana? In every category they rate schools in, too. GPA averages, grade averages, SAT scores, etcetc
Sometimes I'm kind of proud to be a Greyhound.

Screw it, I have nothing else to do so here's what was up at the mall. Or at least one story I feel like sharing. I went to go shopping with Grayson and Phoenix. Phoenix always gets the one-dollar jawbreakers they sell that are the size of pool balls. And I don't mean beach balls, I mean like pool table balls. Just to clarify. e_e Anyway, he bought three this time and pelted poor Grayson with one. He grabbed me from behind and tried to force one in my mouth, but I shook my head because it was huge and would not go in or out of my mouth with ease.
So Phoenix leans over and mumbles in my ear, "If you can fit my dick in your mouth, you can fit the damn jawbreaker too."
In public.
I hate Phoenix sometimes. I was so embarrassed.

But anyway. they opened a thrift store next to the skate shop like right down the road from where I live, and Grayson was freaking out because he wanted to go really bad so I went with him. They have some cool stuff.
Mm. Speaking of Grayson. His birthday was really cool. Poor thing, the first day of school too. But aside from that I had fun, and I know he did too. That's what really matters.

There was a football game tonight at school; I usually go, and this time I did too (I'm cheering now so I kinda had to anyway), but my stalker Matt plays for the football team and I know he's going to bother me. skajfgaslfg.
Anyway, we won of course. There was soccer yesterday, of course I went then. I always go to the soccer games. I'm on tennis this year too; I was for my Freshman year and I just picked it up again. Last year I did volleyball.

Also. I found my old TS2; I accidentally deleted all my old neighbourhoods today. I hate TS2 though because of the character's appearance limitations. I know you can unlock stuff and get more online, but I can never make them look exactly like my friends. Sims Bustin' Out was a dumb game but they had more options and I could make one that looked almost exactly like Ryan.
Andandand. I GOT THE CSI VIDEO GAME YESTERDAY OMFG. I haven't played it yet, I'm waiting for the right moment. But there's more than one game. There's like three you can get I think, but whatevs. I'm really excited. If only I could merge the CSI game with my TS2 game so Greg and I could have children. ):
Plus, I got a Goo Goo Dolls cd; I have like three but I love them so yeah. I unwrapped it and suddenly realized it was a fucking TRIBUTE cd. Which means that all of the songs on the cd are not the original ones sung by the Goos. lskajfgasjldg@covers. Dx You can't cover the Goos, it's not.. right.
I also got the Crossfade cd with the song Unknown on it. I recommend the cd just for that song. I mean, the others are good, but the Unknown is an exceptional song (at least I think so). It's the one I was trying forever to find online but couldn't.

Well, I know I forgot a bunch of stuff but I'll think about it eventually..
I feel a bit better than I have the past few weeks. I know I've been bitchier than usual and treated some people unfairly, but I'm doing better than I was. Internet-wise I no longer have anywhere to go so I've been playing TS2 most of the time. I have no motivation to work on my site layout because I'm sick of it working on Freewebs and Geocities, my layouts I mean, and then when I separate the html into php includes it fucks up somehow. I'm just tired of messing with it so I'll linger about until I feel like trying again, although I know it will be to no avail. I haven't made any lookups either except for my own on captainmisti but that took what, two minutes tops? I also made a petpage for seaxdog. Mm, conformity.

Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood, I think about my little brother. It's like playing Russian Roulette, though. Because sometimes it helps me pick my feet up, and other times it makes me want to curl into a fetal position and deprive myself to death. I really have no control over the way it makes me feel; it just depends on what my subconscious feels like thinking at that time.

You know....
In all seriousness. I would give up the rest of my life to spend one day with Codey again, only in the present. I want to know how he'd have changed; what he looked like, his perspective on life, things like that. I would honestly give up my life if I could spend one day with him again, and after that I wouldn't care what happened to me. If I saw him one last time, if I was able to hug him again, to talk to him and tell him I loved him just one last time, I would do it. It'd be worth my life.
What hurts the most is knowing that it isn't possible. Giving up my life wouldn't bring Codey back or let me spend a day with him again.

Sometimes when I sleep I have dreams about what he'd be like. They seem so real sometimes.
And it hurts. You don't understand how much it hurts.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-14T21:56:00

2006-08-15T02:57:42Z

You may not see much of me for awhile.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-13T15:35:00

2006-08-13T20:50:12Z

It's been awhile since I've updated about something that you guys might care about. Actually I probably have never updated about something you guys might care about, but at this point I already know I am disliked plenty enough. No need to remind me.
Anyway.

A few days ago I found out that my childhood friend Quinn has leukemia. I was extremely upset about this. However, in Indiana we have the fifth (or fourth, I can't remember) best heart center in the United States, and although that has nothing to do with leukemia we also have very well-thought of cancer and blood centers. Basically we're medically better than you.
So anyway, Quinn's parents decided that they wanted him to have the best medical care possible, and they sent him here to live with me and my family for the time being. His parents said they'd come in a few months and stay at a rented home (although we offered for them to stay with us). So we picked Quinn up at the airport yesterday, and got him signed up for school at Carmel.
Quinn's from Australia too (hence, childhood friend), but he didn't seem to mind coming to live with us for medical treatment. Indiana is a fairly decent state anyway.
I'm kind of excited, but very, very sad. I don't want Quinn to die on me. But, if he's to get treatment anywhere, Indiana would be one of his best bets survival-wise. It was caught early. I'm sure he'll be fine. At least, I hope.
He looks the exact same as he did when I saw him a few months ago. But for some reason, he seems weaker. Not really physically, but I guess since now that I know he is sick, my mind is playing tricks on me.

I have a lot to update about, but that can wait.
I have important things to do.
If you catch me on MSN or I/S, don't be surprised if I seem a bit more bitchy than usual. I have a lot on my mind.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-10T23:13:00

2006-08-11T04:30:19Z

Everytime I start rebuilding trust, everytime I try to be respectful, everytime I almost rethink my decisions; events occur, people lose my faith in their honesty again, and my feelings are put back in their place... and suddenly, I know that I am right.
Things don't change on command.
People don't change for me. The world won't change for me.

Can you hear me?
Can you see any part of me?
Can you feel me?
Can you bleed for me?

Can't you see me walking in your shoes?
Can't you feel me stepping all over your soul?
Can't you feel me reach into you?

Can't you feel me walking over your soul?
Can't you feel me wait in pain?
Can't you feel me reach into you?

Can't you see me walking in your shoes?
Can't you feel me stepping all over your soul?
Can't you feel me reach into you?

Can't you feel me walking over your soul?
Can't you feel me wait in pain?
Can't you feel me reach into you?

Can't you feel me walking over your soul?
Can't you feel me wait in pain?
Can't you feel me reach into you?

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-08T22:53:00

2006-08-09T04:06:48Z

I am starting to feel a bit more comfortable with the decisions I have made recently e-wise. I believe that I made the right decisions in these situations, and will try to stick with my choices as best as possible.

I am doing good today. I was fairly busy and was not going to get on for a week or so but I had to tend to my website.
And then I noticed Turmac Roll was the game of the day, and I got really excited. I played on Grayson's account since he's saving for something, and I am not.
On the second game I played, the first berry I got was an aquaberry. In a nutshell, I beat my old high score on his account.

I'm confused. About everything.
It's a weird way to end an entry, but I'm being honest. I don't know what to believe anymore.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-08T00:40:00

2006-08-08T05:43:24Z

Hey guys.

I've been doing a lot better now that I am back home. I am spending as much time with River as possible, still, because he will be going away to college in just a couple of weeks.
I want to my brother to come down and see me. I miss him a lot.
I'm in one of those moods where I am glad I have all my friends and want to be around them as much as possible. I am almost excited for school, almost.

It's very late. I did not, however, have a good eDay today. I made a few tough decisions I hope I will not regret but most likely will.
I am tired. Oyasuminasai.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-06T11:50:00

2006-08-06T16:52:31Z

I am /so/ sick of being used.

I don't want eFriends that use me until I'm useless.

In other news, I am back home and have a lot to update about later.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-05T14:15:00

2006-08-05T19:17:17Z

I think I'm going to sleep most of the trip home. I am emotionally exhausted and don't feel like much of anything.

My mood has once again plummeted.

However, today I was browsing through peoples' lookups, and found a woman over 50 years old.

Anyway.
If I seem to feel really depressed, don't worry about it.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-05T11:01:00

2006-08-05T16:22:36Z

I'm in the airport, sitting next to River who is clearly in his own state of mind, waiting for our flight to be called. The flight is like half a day, so technically I'll be home on Sunday. However the airport is like 40 minutes away from my house so then it'll definitely be Sunday.

I had a fun time with River this entire trip, and yesterday was a lot of fun too. I woke up at like seven and River was still asleep, and I debated whether I should let him sleep since it was his birthday, or wake him up and go do stuff with him. I let him sleep, though, 'cause sometimes I'm cool and nice, and then when he finally did wake up I freaked out and was all OMFG HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And I swear to you, he was like, "It's the third already?"
...Um? His birthday is on the fourth, right? And he was like "Oh, right".
So basically not only did he forget what day it was, but he also forgot what day his birthday was on.
Him and Ryan are pretty much the same when it comes to birthdays. They really don't care about them. ):
But yeah, I didn't really have anything to give him that was, shall we say, materialistic, so I felt bad but of course he didn't care. I have stuff for him back home though. See, I thought we'd be back by now but stupid Hurricane Daniel, you know, getting in our way and all. So I didn't bring the gifts. >o
Damn weather.

In other news. I'm not doing too well. Aside from yesterday, I've been really melancholy lately. It's kinda hard to tell online, but I guess that's a good thing.
You know, thinking about the past is really difficult for me, because most of my past includes people who are long gone. So thinking about the past initially leads me to thoughts of these people, and my head fills up with questions I cannot answer.
If you have ever forgotten something and it frustrated you, for example, you got up to go do something but halfway there you can't remember what it was you were going to do, you might remotely understand a fraction of how I feel.
Because you'll beat yourself up trying to remember what you were going to do, and if you attempt to forget about it, it still lingers in the back of your head. I love most of my past. It's usually just good things. But I also have my fair share of bad memories.

...I dunno. At certain times of the year, I get like this. At least I have someone to comfort me at the moment, because for me, that's the only way I get over it.
But, I must say I have been feeling better emotionally than I have the past few other days, not including yesterday.

And. You guys probably won't care, and you'll think I'm more of slut, but oh well.
-DELETE-
Edit:// I changed my mind. o:
Hopefully no one read that before I deleted it.

Edit 2:// Also, I got some pretty good comments on my first tutorial. :D

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-04T13:34:00

2006-08-04T18:35:15Z

Also, today I joined an Icon Tutorial Community, and am making tutorials. o:

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-04T10:40:00

2006-08-04T15:55:02Z

Today is River's birthday. ;o
I'm excited.

I'm in a lot better mood today than I was yesterday, so that's good.
I'm still not feeling very happy, but as long as I act like I am for the time being, I'm sure that'll change. I can't wait to get home, but on the other hand River will be going away for college almost right after we get back. I'm really upset about this.

I thought for a long time yesterday, and I finally decided that when I get home I need to do a few things I think need to be done. I always visit Codey, always, but I rarely go to see Natalie and Blaine, and everyone else. I need to spend time doing these things; I can't let myself nearly forget about these people, especially the little guy. Of course, I would never in my life forget about anyone like that.

And aside from my pointless ranting that goes unread, I would like to say I miss my family and friends at home. Hurricane fucking Daniel hardly even reached the coastlines; it died out in the Pacific and the remains, which consisted of minor storms, are all that the shores got hit with.
But anyway, Hawaii was wonderful. I did so many things there, it was really exciting. there are a lot of Asian people there, and a bunch of them are kinda rude, but. o_o
It's all good though. B)

And Myles, I need your permission to show the world the rude things Snow said. It deserves publicity.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-03T11:17:00

2006-08-03T16:26:16Z

I feel really weird. My arms are tingly and my head is spinning. I'm not really sure how to describe it other than weird as hell.
I'm having one of those days where everything reminds me of Codey.

I woke up today and I felt kinda sick, and River was nowhere to be found.
He came back later and said he was watching the sunrise but didn't want to bother me. I'm glad he didn't, I'd have just stayed in bed.
Tomorrow is his birthday. I hope that I won't be so sad by then.

I called Derek and I was just going to say hi, but as soon as he picked up the phone I started crying. He said he'd come to see me sometime really soon.
So, in the long run I spent about four hours on the phone talking to friends and family. The rest of today I've been crying mostly, but I really need to work on my website before I lose affiliates.
Otherwise I'd probably still be in bed. River has been really understanding, seeing as he's lost all he had at a really young age. I can't believe it's been four years.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-02T16:25:00

2006-08-02T20:37:56Z

I made a Bill Gates avatar.
Just because.
(Mostly because he thinks he should have the internet copyrighted to him.)

Um, we're back on the ship, I can't wait to get home. o:
RIVER'S BIRTHDAY IS IN TWO DAYS.
He either thinks I forgot, or he forgot. o_o

But anyway.
I was supposed to meet with my guidance counselor today for schedules, but I told Ryan to tell her that I'll be back by like, Friday or Saturday. I got a class list in the mail yesterday, he said, and that there's a lot of stuff we could take. o: I'm excited.

I've been thinking a lot about Codey lately.
It's like, every time his name resurfaces in my head, I play 20 Questions with myself.
I always wonder if maybe I could have done something, and what he'd be like today, or how my life would differ had he not passed.
And it hurts.
Really. It physically hurts me to think about him.
But it's something I can't help. It's not like I want to just forget he ever existed. I'd rather cry once in a while for him and sacrifice my good moods than shun any memories of him into the back of my mind forever, you know?
He was my brother. And I miss him a lot. I'd do anything to have him back. Anything.

But speaking of Codey.
I also had a really weird dream the other night.
I/S was like, a house. And everyone was hanging out.
That's really all I wanna say about that. :x

I have so much more to say, but I really don't want to.
Because it's not going to help anything.
But I simply feel terrible today.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-01T23:34:00

2006-08-02T04:37:20Z

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't really fuzzy, was he?

Everytime I used to say that, Codey would giggle.

missteaomgz @ 2006-08-01T18:18:00

2006-08-01T23:24:43Z

Okay, you know fucking what?

If you're gonna talk shit about me behind my back, do it in a way to that's there's absolutely no chance of me coming across it. I'm not stupid. I find stuff all the time.
So yeah, fucking tell me if you hate me or if I do something that bothers you, don't go around behind my back and tell other people.
It's stupid. I'm honest with you, you be honest with me.
I've pretty much had it.

On another note, Grayson is collecting pink stuff. I think it's adorable. He's also saving for a pink paintbrush, so um LOOK HERE QUICK PLZPLZ. Don't laugh at the horrible petpage layout, we all already know it sucks. I used to make decent petpages but y'know, that account got frozen so I lost all my coding. I don't want to start over. Unfortunately Grayson knows nothing about HTML, hardly, so I had to whip one up. I used to same cheap-ass coding on my petpage.
So anyway. If I hadn't given all my stuff away he'd be halfway there.

missteaomgz @ 2006-07-31T23:18:00

2006-08-01T04:19:53Z

Sometimes I get frustrated at myself for being such a nuisance to people.

And I think River and I have mono. Super.

missteaomgz @ 2006-07-31T08:42:00

2006-07-31T13:48:42Z

A lot of stuff has happened recently, but I'm still tired so this'll be a short entry.

I called Ryan yesterday at like eleven at night and was like, "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM."
He updated his IJ, and first off, that's weird because he hasn't in like, over a year or something /and/ he deleted all his other entries, and secondly it's got to be the most depressing thing I've read in a long time.
So naturally I was really worried, but he seemed completely fine. You know how that usually ends up, though.
Or maybe you don't. Not unless you know Ryan.

So anyway, I was just really concerned for him.
But he promised he was actually in a really good mood, and of course I believe him.

We leave Hawaii on Wednesday, I'm sad. D':
And River has forgotten his birthday is in like four days. I'm going to surprise him. ^o^

Also. I took off the friends-only commenting option because I thought it was dumb to let people read but not comment. And this is the last time I'm going to say it - TAKE ME OFF YOUR FRIENDS LIST OR ASK ME TO RE-ADD YOU. One or the other, damn it.
See, it just goes to show how many of you actually read. e_e